I Never: Original OS
by SqueakyZorro
Summary: Original OS Entry for The Cherry Exchange contest. Bella and Edward are college students whose relationship evolves over a semester, especially after they get a new perspective on each other during a game of I Never. NOW EXPANDED-see link on profile.
1. Chapter 1

**Entry for "The Cherry Exchange 2010"****  
**

**Title: ****I Never****  
****Penname: ****SqueakyZorro****  
****Rating: ****M****  
****Word Count: ****14,971****  
****Summary: ****Bella and Edward are college students whose relationship evolves over a semester, especially after they get a new perspective on each other during a game of I Never.**

**Impressions**

_Bella_

"How many books can you possibly need?"

Jacob had offered to help me carry everything but apparently had not expected this much. Six foot four, muscular, with dark brown hair and fiery dark eyes, he could make any woman breathe faster. Add a flash of his wide, cocky smile, and most girls drooled. Fortunately for me, I was immune, and I rolled my eyes at him. "English major, Jake. Lots of reading."

He rolled his eyes back at me as I continued, "Of course, if it's too much for you..." I started to take the stack of books from him.

My comment had the desired effect, and Jake held them up out of my five-foot-four reach. "I'm good. Just saying."

I double-checked my list against the stack in Jake's hands. "That's everything. Let's get the painful part over with." I started toward checkout.

Jake made a sympathetic sound, then he eagerly said, "Hey, there's Ness—hold the books for a minute? I'll be right back."

He shoved the books into my arms and was gone before I'd voiced my agreement, but I had to smile. Usually a snarky smartass, Jake transformed into a romantic fool when it came to his girlfriend. Jake had followed me across the country from Forks, Washington, to the College of William & Mary, hoping to change my mind about our relationship. But the first week here, he met Vanessa—called Ness—and fell hard. They'd been inseparable ever since.

Classes started soon, so several people were in line. Typical for August, Williamsburg was hot and humid. I shifted my books to a more comfortable position and let my gaze idly roam the campus bookstore. I saw Jacob with Ness near the entrance and smiled at them. I noticed one of the two students ahead of me approach a free register and turned to scan the line behind me. I then forgot to breathe.

He was just...beautiful. Divinely beautiful. My utterly bewitched brain searched for a valid comparison, more descriptive words, but I could focus on nothing but him. He was standing two people behind me, and luckily facing the window rather than me. His profile was perfect: straight nose, chiseled jaw, and high cheekbones. I couldn't see the color of his eyes from this angle, but they were fringed by thick lashes that softened the sculpted planes of his face. His lips, too, appeared soft. His hair was an odd color, not enough red for auburn but too much for brown—bronze, perhaps? It was tousled and wild and made my fingers itch to touch it. He was fairly tall, lean rather than muscular, wearing faded jeans and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I felt an unfamiliar warmth spread throughout my body. I had never in my life reacted like this to anyone.

As if he felt my stare, he suddenly turned and looked at me. Stunned by the blast of emerald green, I held his gaze for a moment, then dropped my eyes and felt a blush engulf my face. My body's need for oxygen asserted itself, and I took several deep breaths. _How obvious had I been? _ He must be used to stares, with a face and body like that; maybe it was nothing unusual for him. I hoped.

After a few seconds, I chanced a quick glance under my lashes. He was still looking at me, a slight frown between his brows, but was distracted when another guy walked over and spoke to him. The newcomer was taller, perhaps even as tall as Jake, with a muscular build like a linebacker. His dark hair, blue eyes, and boyish, friendly face were familiar; I was sure I'd seen him around campus.

"Sorry about that, Bella." Jake startled me with a quick kiss on the cheek and his cocky grin, and he relieved me of the books. A clerk motioned us forward. _How long had I stared? _Long enough for the person in front of me to be called, apparently.

Jake and I moved to the register as I absently asked, "Any plans tonight?" I resisted the impulse to glance back at the beautiful boy. Really, I had to call him something else or John Lennon would be stuck in my head for days, and that song didn't fit. More like _I'm Too Sexy_...

"Nothing special," he replied, and I had to remember my question. "How about you?"

"Alice really wanted me at her barbecue for some reason. We're going to have to work together in my business class, so I may as well make friends." I wasn't looking forward to that business class, but publishing was a business and I should get some exposure to it if I was going to edit and write someday. Had it been long enough that I could safely try for another look at Sexy Guy? Hmm, Sexy Guy, much better...

Striving for nonchalance, I let my glance wander until it reached him. _Oh, no, he's watching me! _I started to look away quickly, but something in his expression made me lift my chin defiantly. _What is with that scowl? _All I did was look at him for a few minutes. Okay, stare at him for several minutes. _Jeez, do I seem like a stalker? _I remembered the warmth that had rushed through me. _Shoot, was that obvious? Maybe he thinks I'm coming on to him and he's not interested..._ At that thought, my blush returned tenfold. Thankfully, the cashier picked that moment to give me my total and I turned to complete the transaction, only then realizing that Jake had been talking to me.

"...barbecue sounds like fun."

I murmured in agreement, not sure exactly to what, and Jake carried the stack for me as we walked to the door. Part of me wanted to try for one last glance at Sexy Guy, but the thought that he might notice and scowl at me some more kept my eyes forward.

_Edward_

I heard Emmett ribbing me about the huge stack of books I held, but my eyes followed the mahogany-haired girl approaching the register, accompanied by her—boyfriend? Friend? Most college guys didn't kiss friends on the cheek, so probably boyfriend. I sighed, disappointed without really knowing why, but I continued looking. Not a pornstar build, but not skinny. I studied her hips in the jean cutoffs and recalled the fit of her tank top when she had been facing my direction. No, definitely not skinny.

"So you'll be there?"

"What?" My attention was abruptly pulled away from the girl.

"Bro, wake up—barbecue tonight." At my blank stare, he added, "The 'rents are coming a day early and want to see us all? Do you have _plans,_" he wiggled his eyebrows, "or can you make it?"

I shoved my shoulder into his. "You know I don't have _plans_, and yes, I can make it. Sorry, my mind wandered."

He shoved back, almost making me drop my books. I never felt like the scrawny adolescent I used to be until I was standing next to my cousin. "Wandered toward a cute brunette." More eyebrow wiggling.

"Shut up, Em. _She_ was staring at _me_."

"They always stare at you, Edward. You Greek god, you." Emmett's voice rose to a falsetto on the last phrase, eerily reminiscent of a particularly persistent girl who had pursued me freshman year. Thank God, Jessica had transferred to another school. "But you never stare back."

His words made me realize I _was_ staring, but at that moment she looked at me again and, frowning slightly, I decided I would not look away first. Surely she would drop her eyes just as she had when I caught her the first time. When she didn't look immediately away, my frown deepened. Why was she so unabashedly ogling me? Didn't she care that her boyfriend was right there? At her continued stare, my frown further intensified. Finally, she blushed and turned to the clerk. Another minute and she was on her way out with the huge boyfriend.

"Oh, Eddie." My head snapped back toward Emmett at his singsong address and my eyes narrowed at the despised nickname. He held his hands up. "Easy, dude, just trying to get your attention. She's really grabbed you by—"

Luckily, the rest of his sentence was drowned out and I was saved from having to reply when a clerk yelled, "Next!" and motioned me forward.

"Like I told Alice this morning, I'll be there," I threw over my shoulder as I went to the register.

Half an hour later, I pulled into the driveway of the house I shared with my cousins and, by extension, their significant others. I'd grown up with Emmett and Alice after my parents died, and when we all ended up at William & Mary together, Alice a year behind Emmett and me, their parents, Carlisle and Esme, had purchased a house close to campus for us to share. Although a little large for college students, it was nice to have more room and privacy than would have been possible on campus or in an apartment. And despite Emmett's perpetual teasing about my sex life, or lack thereof, and Alice's constant matchmaking attempts, we got along well enough that I wasn't anxious to try the roommate lottery.

Luckily, their romantic choices fit the family like they'd been designed for us. Rosalie, Emmett's fiancée, could be a bitch, but she and I enjoyed our sarcastic bantering and you couldn't ask for a more loyal person to have your back. A stunningly beautiful blond, she knew what it was like to have people see only the pretty surface—something else we had in common. Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, was so quiet that at first we wondered how exuberant Alice had even noticed he was there, but the connection they shared was somehow metaphysical. It was fun, but almost a little creepy at times, to watch the way they seemed to know what the other was thinking. On deeper acquaintance, Jasper proved to be both fun and perceptive, one minute collaborating on a practical joke with Emmett and the next providing insightful comments on my post-graduation plans.

As I unloaded my books and considered lunch possibilities, my mind drifted toward the bookstore and the girl that had intrigued me so. What was it about her? Emmett was right; I got stared at all the time. I hated it. I could be an absolute prick or the next Gandhi and it wouldn't make a difference. But I'd grown accustomed to it, so why was her stare so disturbing? Just because she did it right in front of her boyfriend? She wasn't the first, and she wouldn't be the last. Her questionable fidelity was her boyfriend's problem, not mine. I tried to force my mind down other paths as I slapped together a sandwich before making sure the house was decent for Carlisle and Esme. But as I picked up the obvious trash and a few potentially embarrassing items—how did Emmett's boxers get _there?—_I couldn't dispel her image. I shook my head to clear it. A chick who could be so dazzled by looks that she'd ignore the boyfriend two feet away was not someone I wanted to meet, even if she was hot. And if I hadn't met her on campus before now, I'd probably never see her again anyway.

**Meeting**

_Bella_

By late afternoon, as I headed over to Alice's for the barbecue, I had convinced myself that Sexy Guy was undoubtedly full of himself as a result of all the adulation—someone that _I'm Too Sexy _would definitely fit. If I ever talked to him for more than two minutes, I'd likely be bored out of my mind and anxious to find the nearest exit. Godlike looks couldn't compensate for an empty head. Or even worse, and even more probable, he was a player who expected every woman he met to fall into bed with him. I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't be casual about intimacy, and sleeping around was a huge turn-off for me. Thus, I reasoned, Sexy Guy was best forgotten. Though a small part of me argued he might at least be worth a fantasy or two, I shoved him out of my thoughts and tried to prepare myself for the evening ahead.

I had met Alice only yesterday, after we received notice of who our partners in the business class would be. We arranged to meet before classes started, to get acquainted and see how we'd work together. We immediately hit it off, with my quiet, dry humor balancing her zealous enthusiasm. She was petite, barely five feet, with short, dark hair and bright blue eyes. She was getting her bachelor's degree to appease her parents before pursuing her true desire: studying at a top-notch design school. She seemed almost rapturous about shopping and spas, which I found baffling, but she looked great so I figured she knew what she was doing. Toward the end of our talk, she brought up the barbecue, saying that she'd like to get to know me better. She snorted when I said it sounded like something for family and close friends, not brand-new acquaintances, and insisted that I'd be welcome. When I still hesitated, her eyebrows drew together and her head tilted in a heartbreaking plea, and I gave in.

I arrived at the address she'd given me and saw a well-kept home in an affluent neighborhood, not exactly what I was expecting for a trio of college students, even if their father was a doctor. I rang the doorbell and glanced around the street until I heard the door open. Turning, I met my first surprise of the evening: the dark-haired football type that had been talking to Sexy Guy in the bookstore, looking just as surprised to see me. He recovered more quickly than I did.

"Hey, you must be Bella, Alice's friend. Come on in." His voice was big and friendly and made me want to hug him like a teddy bear, especially when he smiled and dimples appeared.

"Hi, yes, I'm Bella," I said and smiled back.

"I'm Emmett Cullen, Alice's brother. We're all out back on the patio. My dad's got the grill going." I followed him through the house and emerged onto a brick patio with several people in a few small groups. Emmett gave me a quick introduction, identifying each in turn. The tall, blond man and the woman with light brown hair and a sweet face, standing next to the grill, were Emmett's and Alice's parents, Carlisle and Esme. They seemed to be arguing playfully about how the grill should work. A few feet away was a gorgeous blonde with a cool expression, openly assessing me, who Emmett proudly named as his fiancée, Rosalie. Next to her, Emmett told me, was Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, a tall, blond man with a laid-back smile, cowboy boots, and his arm around Alice. My eyes moved on to the far corner of the patio, and there I met my second and much greater surprise of the evening: Sexy Guy, right there in Alice's backyard. I inhaled sharply and found it just as difficult to pull my eyes from him as it had been that afternoon.

"Last and definitely least, that's my cousin, Edward," Emmett raised his voice so Edward couldn't miss it. He looked over with a half-smile at Emmett's teasing, but as soon as he saw me, the smile vanished and the same frown he had worn in the bookstore returned. His eyes drifted past me, as if he expected someone else behind me, and then returned to me, the frown still present. "Everyone, this is Bella, Alice's friend."

Alice hurried over and gave me a hug. "Bella, I'm so glad you're here! Can I get you something to drink?" I turned to her and allowed her to lead me to a cooler filled with soft drinks as we compared class schedules, but I could still feel Sexy Guy's—Edward's—eyes on my back. _What was _with_ him? Did he think I somehow set this up in the last few hours to chase him? Or that I kill kittens and puppies when I'm not in class? _After getting a drink, I mustered my courage and turned back to face the patio generally and Edward in particular. I forced myself to meet his gaze coolly, then deliberately looked away as Alice spoke, expecting another question about classes.

"So, why is Edward glaring at you?" she asked.

I stared at her, surprised by the sudden topic change. "What?"

"Edward. He's been glaring at you since you arrived."

I took a sip as I thought about how to answer. Nothing devious or otherwise helpful came to mind, so I went with the truth. "I don't know. I saw him in the bookstore this morning, and, well, I guess I was staring." I blushed at this point.

Alice was sympathetic. "Sometimes it's hard not to. If he wasn't my cousin I know I'd take a third or fourth look."

I cast her a grateful glance. "He caught me, and it seemed to really bother him for some reason. I would have thought he'd be used to it, but maybe he thinks I'm stalking him."

Alice laughed. "He can't think that if it happened this morning at the bookstore; I told him at breakfast that I'd invited you. But that is weird, because you're right—he is used to it. Never fear, I'll get to the bottom of this." A maniacal gleam entered her eye.

"Um, Alice, really, it's no big deal. I'm sure we can be polite enough to get through this barbecue and then he'll never have to see me again." I _so _did not want her mentioning this to him.

Alice just hummed. "We'll see."

I knew we'd only met yesterday, but something was telling me I shouldn't bet against Alice. Ever. I sighed and let her introduce me to Jasper, hoping to avoid direct contact with Edward for the rest of the evening.

_Edward_

_What was _she _doing here? _I'd barely stopped thinking about her and now she turned up in my own home? _No boyfriend, I see. _Maybe he got tired of her scoping out other guys right in front of him and moved on. A tiny thought tried to break free, _If so, she's free...,_ but I ruthlessly suppressed it.

I turned away, continuing to talk to Jasper. He left after a minute when Alice beckoned, and Rosalie closed the space between us and started up a conversation Rose-style. "What crawled up your ass?" No pretenses and nothing held back, that was Rose.

I inclined my head in Bella's general direction. "She was in the campus bookstore this morning, eye-fucking me with her boyfriend not two feet away. It's just irritating." _Because until I saw the boyfriend, I'd thought about getting her number..._ I stopped that thought right away. _No. My reaction had absolutely nothing to do with jealousy. Nothing._

"Ah," said Rosalie, immediately understanding. Then she frowned, looking past me at Bella. "She doesn't seem the type, though. She looks...wholesome." At my incredulous look, she shrugged. "Just my impression."

Usually, I listened to Rosalie about people: she was an excellent judge of character. But this time she was wrong; I was sure of it.

Alice came over and Rosalie left to join Emmett and Jasper. Glancing up, I saw that Bella was now talking with my aunt and uncle; it sounded like they were trading cooking and grilling tips, of all things. I looked back down at Alice and tried a preemptive strike. "Don't start, Alice."

"Edward, all she did was walk in the door and you looked at her like she killed your puppy." Alice frowned up at me. "And don't tell me about the bookstore. You know you get lustful looks all the time and it rolls right off."

I had to smile. "'Lustful looks?' Have you been reading bodice rippers again?" She acknowledged the hit with a rueful grimace but refused to be distracted, continuing to look at me expectantly. "Yes, I get them but they're usually not quite so blatant when the boyfriend has a front-row seat." I sighed. "It just rubbed me the wrong way."

Alice's frown deepened. "She hasn't mentioned a boyfriend."

I laughed. "Alice, you met her barely twenty-four hours ago. You really think you know all her secrets?"

"Of course not, but I mentioned Jasper within the first few minutes. If she had a boyfriend, I think he'd have come up. We talked for almost two hours, after all. Are you sure that's what he was—not just a friend?" She seemed more upset than the situation called for. An unwelcome thought occurred to me.

"Alice, please tell me you didn't." My look was reproving.

She tried for innocent. "Didn't what?" With her history, she couldn't pull that off.

"Alice, why exactly did you invite her to this little family barbecue? You just met her yesterday; it's not like she's a lifelong best friend. Why not wait for the next party?" My sneaking suspicion gathered increasing support from Alice's attitude.

"We really hit it off yesterday. I think we'll be great friends." _Maybe that's true. But... _ We continued to look at each other, then her gaze broke away first. "All right, maybe I thought it would be nice to even up the numbers tonight."

_Bingo!_ "'Even up the numbers?' As in more matchmaking?" I exhaled impatiently. "Alice, I thought we'd settled this. You've been so good for months and now you ruin it?" After a disastrous blind date last spring, she'd sworn to give it a rest, which I had hoped would last past graduation. Apparently that was too optimistic.

"Edward, please. I _like_ her, and I think you two would be good together." Alice went into full pleading mode. "I kept it to the family barbecue so it wouldn't be like a _date_ date, just to see if you clicked. She really doesn't give off a couple's vibe, and she hasn't mentioned anyone special at all. Can't you give her a chance—just talk to her without the chip on your shoulder?"

I planned to turn her down flat and demand that she never, ever attempt anything like this again, but her final words threw me. "What chip?"

"Oh, Edward, every time a girl notices your looks you immediately write her off as shallow. Why else are you still—"

I cut that right off. "Don't go there, Alice," I warned. I would _not_ get drawn into that debate again, especially with Emmett the consummate tease and Bella the virtual stranger around as witnesses.

Alice let that go but would not be deterred from her main point. "A woman would have to be blind not to at least _notice_ that you're good-looking! It doesn't mean that she's just out for a quickie with the hottie, it just means she has a working pair of eyes. Picky is one thing, but you never even give them a chance." She took a deep breath and continued in a quieter tone. "Edward, you're isolating yourself, do you even realize that? Do you really want to stay alone?"

How did a simple family barbecue get so deep? All I wanted was a burger, maybe a steak if Esme had splurged, and instead I was getting an in-depth psychological analysis from a fashionista pixie. "Alice, I'm not—"

This time she cut me off. "Edward, I know this isn't the time or place to talk, but just think about it, that's all I'm saying. If you can't give her an honest chance tonight, at least be polite." Her mood and tone lightened somewhat as she scolded, "A good host does not glare at the guests."

Part of me wanted to finish this now, and part of me did not want to touch some of the feelings her words had triggered. Bottom line, though, she was right—this wasn't the time or place—and I sighed. "Fine, Alice, I can be civil." I smiled at her as Carlisle announced that the food was ready.

Dinner passed calmly. I made sure I was not seated next to or directly across from Bella, but I couldn't help overhearing some of her conversation with Alice, Jasper, and Esme, enough to make me wonder if Alice might have had at least a tiny point. Jasper was just as attractive as I was, even a similar physical type, and Bella paid him no particular attention, even when Alice disappeared for several minutes on some errand in the house.

What really made me reconsider was how well Bella got along with Esme. Their conversation covered everything from recipe ideas to a comparison of art and literature from different historical periods, with Bella the English major and Esme the architect each drawing on her own body of knowledge. The girl I had imagined in the bookstore would not have spent the bulk of dinner talking to her ogling-object's middle-aged aunt, and she certainly wouldn't have taken such obvious pleasure in doing so.

"Esme seems taken with Alice's new friend," Carlisle commented blandly. I knew and distrusted that tone. I usually heard it when Carlisle was subtly pointing out inconsistencies in my conclusions.

"Yeah, seems like it," I replied, glancing over at them again.

"You seem surprised," Carlisle continued in the same voice.

I looked back at him, then shrugged. "She just didn't seem the type to..." I couldn't think of a polite way to say what I had thought, especially the part that I suddenly realized was not very complimentary to Esme, so I let my voice trail off.

"Well, first impressions can be misleading." Thankfully, Carlisle left it at that.

Dinner concluded, and everyone scattered into conversational groups again as twilight fell. Deciding that I was man enough to admit I might have been wrong, I approached Bella, intending to be as charming as possible.

"Hi. Alice tells me you're an English major?" Not the most brilliant conversational opener, but a reliable standard on college campuses everywhere. I gave her my best smile.

It seemed to hold her gaze for a split second, but then she looked away and answered abruptly, "Yes."

I waited. _Nope, that was it. Let's try again_. "Are you from Virginia?" Another trite but reliable gambit; since William & Mary was a state university, most students were.

"No." This time she didn't even look at me as she answered.

Now I was irritated. "From where, then?" My tone was noticeably cooler.

"Forks, Washington." She still didn't look at me. _Okay, two could be rude._

"Never heard of it."

"It's small."

Enough was enough. "Why are you being so rude?" I asked.

She gasped and turned back to me. "_I'm_ rude? Who was the one glaring at me before we'd even been introduced?" Her brown eyes snapped with anger.

"Who was the one issuing an invitation right in front of her boyfriend?" I countered, losing my temper.

She frowned. "What boyfriend? And what invitation?"

"Hello, the big guy who kissed your cheek and held your books?" _That made him sound like a beau from an earlier era, not a twenty-first century boyfriend,_ I thought vaguely. "And the way you were looking at me was a clear come-on—you were practically drooling!"

"I don't know what—wait, you mean Jake?" she said, then laughed. "Jump to conclusions much? He's not my boyfriend, he's my best friend. We've known each other our whole lives."

_Uh-oh. Now what do I say?_ Before I could think of anything, she continued.

"And even if he was my boyfriend, what's the big deal? It was not a come-on, I wasn't hitting on you— I was just enjoying the view." That struck a nerve and I felt my anger return. I noticed that while her voice was strong and confident, a blush appeared in her cheeks—she wasn't comfortable saying that. But she continued anyway, "Are you telling me you never look at a pretty girl who's not your girlfriend?"

"I don't have a girlfriend, but even if I did, I wouldn't be so rude as to do it in front of her." Temper was driving me now.

"I don't see why not; you obviously have plenty of rude behavior to go around!"

We were now glaring at each other and our voices had risen without our being aware of it. I suddenly realized that all other conversation had stopped and everyone else was enjoying the Edward & Bella show. She seemed to notice at the same time and blushed even more than before.

The awkward silence lasted maybe ten seconds. Of course, Emmett was the first to speak, and of course, it was guaranteed to embarrass. "Wow, lots of sexual tension—looks like Eddie may have finally met his match!"

I groaned.

**Apology**

_Bella_

The next morning, I was just glad I had escaped from the Cullens' house without any more confrontation. I had told Esme goodbye, saying how much I'd enjoyed meeting her, and I'd thanked Carlisle for dinner. I'd said goodnight to Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. And I'd done my level best not to even look in Edward's direction as I left.

I munched my cereal glumly, wondering how I'd let myself lose my temper. I _never_ yelled like that, even to people I knew well, let alone a perfect stranger. Well, physically perfect, anyway; a rude jerk personality-wise, even though I could maybe see, a little, why he'd have a not-so-great opinion of me if he'd thought Jake was my boyfriend. I sighed as I put down my spoon. I hadn't even tried to be subtle about my appreciation.

My musings were interrupted by the doorbell. Angela, my roommate, was out, so I hauled myself up and opened the door to the subject of my recent reverie, looking gorgeous as ever in a dark green t-shirt that emphasized his eyes. _Like he needed help._

"What do you want?" Part of me intended to be rude, and part of me silently begged him to answer, _"You, Bella! Now!" _ I told that part to shut up.

He took a deep breath at my less than friendly greeting but said evenly, "To apologize."

_Wait._ "What?" I was confused.

"Can I come in for a minute?" he asked.

I blushed. "Yes, of course." I stepped back and let him into my apartment. "I was just finishing breakfast. Do you want some coffee?"

"No, thanks, I had some earlier." He appeared almost as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Well, have a seat." I gestured to the living area and he sat on an easy chair. I sat on the couch and waited for him to speak.

He exhaled. "I wanted to apologize for doing what you said last night—jumping to conclusions about you on virtually no evidence. And being rude to you. I just—" He paused and seemed to search for words. "Damn, I can't think of a way to say this without sounding like a complete narcissist." I couldn't think of anything to say to that, and after a few seconds he managed, "Sometimes stares just rub me the wrong way. I get impatient, and I guess I make snap judgments."

I had the feeling he was holding something back, but his eyes met mine with genuine remorse. "By the time I came up to talk to you last night, I'd already seen how you were with my family—I knew you weren't what I had assumed in the bookstore. I was hoping we could talk, get to know each other."

If he was mature enough to apologize, so was I. Picking up where his statement left off, I said, "But then I was ticked off about your glaring at me, so I was pretty rude to you." He half-smiled, and I returned it. "I apologize, too." His smile became full-sized, as did mine.

"So, we're good?" he asked.

"We're good," I answered.

_Edward _

I was relieved. After Bella left the barbecue, I'd remembered my initial response to her, before I saw Jake. I'd cursed myself, knowing that if I hadn't overreacted, I could have just asked her out last night. Instead, I was going to have to repair yesterday's damage. But at least now, the first hurdle had been cleared, and we could start with friendship.

Over the following weeks, we got to know each other. She talked about Forks and the Pacific, and I told her about Chicago and Lake Michigan. We compared tastes in books, movies, and especially music, and we found we had a lot in common with just enough differences to spark debate. We even talked politics and religion. We hung out with my cousins and their significant others, and I met Jake and his actual girlfriend, Ness, as well as Bella's roommate, Angela, and her boyfriend, Ben.

I didn't tell her everything, though. I didn't tell her that a big part of why I jumped to conclusions at the bookstore was that I was jealous. I didn't tell her why I hated stares so much. I didn't tell her the epiphany I had had after thinking more on Alice's comments that night at the barbecue—I did isolate myself, based on something I thought had been resolved years before. And I didn't tell her what that something was.

As summer turned to fall, I found myself watching her every possible chance I could. Her hair, curling in the humidity or catching the breeze. Her deep brown eyes that reflected so much emotion. Her kindness and intelligence. Her body in shorts and clingy tops while the weather was hot, then jeans and lightweight sweaters when October arrived and the leaves began to turn. Because I was watching her so closely, I realized she was watching me, too, and I waited for the right moment to take the next step.

**Revelation**

_Bella_

"You're coming, right?" Alice demanded in mid-October as we left our business class. "To our party?"

"Definitely, Alice. I don't want a contract put out on me," I teased. "How big is this thing, anyway?"

"Pretty big. Emmett invites his sports buddies, Rosalie's sorority sisters come, and the rest of us invite whoever. We do it before the weather gets too cold so we can spill out into the backyard." She grinned. "And we invite the neighbors so we don't get complaints." I laughed. "Make sure your crew knows about it, okay? They're invited, too."

"Thanks, Alice, I'll tell them."

I'd become so comfortable with the Cullen family, and my friends meshed so well with them, that I would have been happier than I could remember even without Edward. But with Edward...there were no words. I loved being with him—talking, listening to music, hanging out with our blended group, even a road trip to Virginia Beach late one Friday night. That was magical; we ended up by ourselves as the established couples found some privacy, and we lay on the beach, talking a little but mostly just stargazing and listening to the waves. If I had any doubt about why I reacted so strongly to Edward that day in the bookstore, it was erased. I was so in love with him that sometimes I could physically feel my heart clench at the sight of him.

His feelings for me, I wasn't so sure about. Oh, he definitely liked me, but he didn't ask me out or make any physical move at all, which indicated he didn't have romantic—or even sexual—feelings for me. He displayed such a clear preference for my company over anyone else's, though, even his cousins, that it seemed he must feel _something_ more than friendship. And sometimes I'd catch him watching me, his expression more intense than any friend's. When that happened, I'd wonder if I should make the first move and ask him out, but I knew I was too shy to really do it. So I told myself what we had was a special friendship and to be happy with that. I had no trouble convincing myself of the first part—it _was_ special. The second part, not so much. It was hard not to want more.

The night of the Cullens' party was perfect—clear and warm, with the autumn leaves on the backyard trees a natural decoration. Fall in Williamsburg was the best. Food and drink stations were set up throughout the ground level of the house and in the backyard, and music played over a sound system. The patio made a perfect dance floor, and folding chairs had been set in conversation groups around the backyard. Alice was a genius. Even I, who usually hated parties, was having a good time.

That was, until Emmett decided it was time for some drinking games. I managed to escape the first few rounds. But then a couple of the guests got a little too drunk and started making noises about trashing various items in the house, so Emmett, Jasper, Edward, and Jake started sending people on their way, finding them sober rides or cabs when needed.

By three-thirty, only our core group of ten was left, lounging around the backyard. We were all drunk, but not sloppy, when Jake said, "Hey, Emmett, I just realized we didn't play I Never tonight."

Ness groaned. "Jake, really, that game should be called TMI."

Despite Ness's comment, there was general agreement to play. We all knew the simple rules: each person said something they'd never done, and anyone who had done that had to drink. If no one had done it, the person who said it had to drink.

Jake began. "I never...was arrested." Emmett and, to my surprise, Ben promptly drank.

"You, Ben?" I asked, laughing.

He grinned sheepishly. "Just a little trespassing on school property after hours. No charges filed, just detention."

As a group, we turned to Emmett, who shrugged and said, "A little misunderstanding when a guy got mouthy with Rose. Once our story was confirmed by the other people there, I was free to leave."

Rosalie claimed the next turn. "I never...went cliff-diving."

Jake, Ness, Jasper, and I drank. "Bella, you? You jumped off a cliff?" Emmett thought this was hilarious. Come on, I wasn't _that_ clumsy. Not really.

"We did it all the time at La Push," I answered. "It was fun."

Ness went next. "I never...traveled outside the U.S." Everyone but Angela and me drank and named places they'd visited. The game continued for a few minutes, then, as always happened, the topic turned to sex.

Alice started it. "I never...had sex in a public place." To no one's surprise, Emmett and Rosalie drank, as did Jake and Ness. They endured the necessary teasing, and the next several turns included places and positions, circumstances and activities. I began to see Ness's point about TMI; there was a lot more detail than I'd heard the few other times I'd played this game.

Finally it was my turn. "Everyone, get ready to drink, because I'm the only one this applies to." I felt a pang of unease: what I'd picked was pretty personal. But we were all friends, and most of them already knew this anyway. So I went ahead, while refusing to look at Edward. I suddenly realized that was why I was doing this—I wanted him to know without having to make a big deal about it in a one-on-one conversation.

"I never...had sex."

There was a pause, as everyone waited for me to add some qualifying factor. As if pulled by a magnet, my eyes stopped avoiding Edward and shot straight to him. How would he react? His green eyes met mine with an indecipherable expression. As the group realized that I was done, _almost_ all of them drank. Edward's eyes remained on mine, and his drink remained untouched.

_Edward _

I'd planned to fake it and drink. I knew that most people, other than my family, assumed that I'd slept with at least a few girls, and it was no one else's business that I hadn't. I also knew that my cousins wouldn't give me away if I lied, and I even lifted my glass a half-inch, ready for the charade. But when Bella's eyes met mine, I understood she wanted me—me, specifically—to know this about her. Her nerves showed in how her teeth sank into her bottom lip, and her blush, even in the dim light, was obvious. Her deep brown eyes, however, were steady. I realized I wanted her to know the truth about me, too. My glass lowered back down and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up slightly. Bella's teeth released her bottom lip, and a shy smile appeared on her face.

I could hear some good-natured teasing, led by Emmett and Jake, but my eyes continued to hold hers and I said nothing. After a minute, it was again quiet and Jasper, perceptive as ever, said, "Time to pack it in, I think. We've got one hell of a clean-up tomorrow." He and Alice quietly went into the house, and one by one, the other couples followed. Soon, only Bella and I were left, our eyes still locked.

Bella's smile grew, and she said, "I guess our secret's out."

My smile reflected hers as I replied, "Looks like it."

We were silent for a moment. Then, deciding the moment had arrived but more nervous than I'd expected, I asked, "Would you...like to go out with me? On a date?"

Her smile was brilliant. "I'd love it."

**Fun **

_Bella_

I had to admit, Edward managed to surprise me for our first date, and I loved it.

"Woohoo!" My hair whipped around as the Loch Ness Monster went into the first of the interlocking loops, and I was helpless to prevent my body from slamming into Edward's as we went around the next curve. Our third time on the roller coaster at Busch Gardens was just as exhilarating as the first.

It was one of the last weekend days the park was open before closing for the winter, and while chilly, the sky was clear, something to be treasured in a Williamsburg fall. Familiar as the park was, it seemed a new and wonderful place with Edward. Rides were more exciting and the surroundings were more beautiful, just because we experienced them together.

I had expected to be nervous, since this was our first official date, but our ease in each other's company was not lost. As the day wore on, an almost imperceptible tension, not at all unpleasant, began to make itself felt. Moments when the force of a ride pressed our bodies together triggered darts of electricity along my nerves. When our arms brushed as we walked side by side, our hands naturally joined, and little tingles traveled up my arm. Later in the afternoon, on a quieter ride, his arm circled my shoulders and I sighed happily as I leaned against him.

I recalled visiting an amusement park with Jake while we were in high school. When he took every opportunity to put his arm around me or hold my hand, I felt nothing but a comfortable warmth. With Edward, though, these same simple, innocent touches thrilled me, and I was amazed at the difference in my response.

_Edward _

I took a chance with Busch Gardens. While I knew from our early conversations that Bella loved roller coasters; I wondered if it wouldn't seem a little odd for a first date. But the typical first "dinner-and-get-to-know-you-conversation" date was superfluous, since we'd been getting to know each other for over a month. I wanted something different and fun. I was happy that my instincts were right. We were having a great time.

I had forgotten the many opportunities for contact at an amusement park. Every little touch, no matter how innocent, became significant, and my body's reaction to their cumulative effect threatened to become obvious. When her lithe body crashed into mine on our last trip on the Loch Ness Monster, I couldn't help but groan; luckily, her excited yell drowned me out. On the next ride, she snuggled into me as my arm wrapped around her shoulder, and I had to suppress another groan when her forearm rested along my thigh, her hand just above my knee.

The lines as we waited for rides were their own brand of tease. At first, we stood facing each other, leaning against the metal barriers. As the day wore on, we progressed to leaning side by side, shoulders touching, and then my arm around her. By the last ride, I had both arms around her from behind, her hands resting on my forearms as she leaned back against me. She had to feel my response, but she didn't flinch or move away. Of course, that only intensified the reaction and my jeans became uncomfortably tight. I hugged her tighter and dropped a kiss on her hair before it was our turn.

**Kiss**

_Bella_

Bliss was the word that described my mood as we left the park and headed toward my apartment. I tilted my head to watch his profile and rested my hand on top of Edward's as he maneuvered the gearshift. I smiled a little, recalling the stereotypical analogy between a gearshift and male anatomy. I'd never experienced anything other than mild curiosity about a man's body, but I found myself wanting to explore Edward's, to see and touch it, to learn how we could please each other. The warmth that had spread through me that first day at the bookstore returned, several times stronger. He was so ridiculously beautiful, even more so now that I knew how much of his beauty was invisible. His devotion to his family, his desire to help people, his humor, his intelligence, all were even more compelling than his appearance. I basked in his presence.

Edward slanted a look at me. "You seem happy," he commented.

"Happy's not even in the ballpark. Blissful, enchanted, dazzled—those come closer," I answered.

He chuckled. "Dazzled?"

"Mmm," I hummed.

He let his eyes drift from the road for a moment to meet mine. "I know the feeling."

We arrived at my apartment and walked to the door. "Are you coming in?" I asked.

He looked chagrined. "I'm sorry, I can't. I haven't touched my books this weekend, and I have an early class tomorrow."

I was pretty sure I pouted. "Well, I guess if you can't, you can't." I slumped against my front door.

Edward stepped in front of me and rested his hands against the door on either side of me. I looked into his eyes as he leaned closer, whispering, "There's something I _can _do before I go." Then he kissed me.

At first, his mouth brushed mine, lightly, back and forth. A small, choked sound emerged from my throat and my eyes slid shut. As I gasped, Edward took advantage of my parted lips and let his tongue skim the inner edges. The touch ignited a fire in my body, and his scent intoxicated me. Without conscious thought, my hands were buried in his hair, and it was just as soft as it looked. I opened my mouth further and met his tongue with my own as I pressed the length of my body closer to his, welcoming its hard warmth against my softness. The kiss seemed to go on forever as we savored each other. Our heads tilted, shifting the angle, and my hands left his hair to skim his back and shoulders before returning to stroke his neck. Edward straightened enough to take his weight off his hands and moved them from the door to my hips, briefly holding me to him before sliding them up my back and tangling them in my hair. He pulled my head back gently and let his lips drift from mine, across my jaw to the hollow behind my ear. He trailed moist, open-mouthed kisses down my neck and touched his tongue to the base of my throat, and my head, suddenly heavy, fell against his shoulder.

_Edward _

Bella's kiss was like nothing I'd tasted or felt before. Sweet and warm and welcoming. My lips returned to hers more urgently, my tongue more aggressive as I rubbed it against hers. Her soft moan thrilled me and I pulled her closer, wrapping my arms around her back to mold her to me. I groaned at the feel of her pressed against me and let my hips move against hers, gently at first to see her reaction. She pushed against me, and I moved my hands to her hips again to hold her closer. I could feel her breasts pushing against my chest and wondered how they would look and taste.

My class tomorrow wasn't crucial. I didn't have to have everything done on time. I could just stay here, kissing Bella, touching her...

The sound of a car and the flash of headlights in the parking lot broke my concentration, and I reluctantly pulled away. "I should go," I said, but then, unable to resist, I kissed her again, harder and deeper. She held me to her, hands fisted in my hair as she returned the kiss. Our lips parted briefly, only to touch again and again, unwilling to break contact completely.

Breathing heavily, I made myself step back. She collapsed against the door as we stared at each other.

"See you tomorrow. Sleep well," I managed.

She took a deep breath and echoed, "Tomorrow, right. You, too. Sleep, I mean. I mean, sleep well." She blushed. "Goodnight," she said as she pushed her door open and slipped inside.

"'Night, Bella."

**Exploration **

_Bella _

"So, how did it go?" Alice demanded the next morning. "Details, we need details!"

I pursed my lips. "I don't kiss and tell." I held out for a few seconds, but then Angela joined in her pleading expression. I laughed and caved. "It was wonderful. The day was perfect and I wished the kiss could have gone on forever."

"Just a kiss?" Alice sounded disappointed.

"Just a fabulous, amazing, stupendous kiss!" I said, giggling. "It was our first date, Alice, what did you expect? Did you think we'd jump right in and pop our cherries right away?"

Angela snorted. "Bella, I think that's the dirtiest thing I've ever heard you say. You don't even say ass."

I blushed. "The situation seemed to call for it," I mumbled.

"Are you going to see him again soon?" Alice asked.

"Well, neither of us have morning classes on Thursday, so we talked about doing something Wednesday night."

"Damn," Angela said. "I won't be here. Promise to tell me everything when I get back from my cousin's wedding." She thought for a second. "On second thought, maybe it's a good thing I won't be here. You can have the place to yourself, try a little exploring."

"Exploring?" I asked.

"Sure," said Alice. "Even if you don't want to pop cherries right away, you could experiment, see what you both like."

The more I considered that idea, the more I liked it. Then a thought struck me. _What if I messed up? _ I _was _extraordinarily clumsy. I looked at my girlfriends. "Any suggestions?"

Alice laughed. "Single most important tip: tell him what feels good to you, and listen when he tells you what feels good to him."

Angela added, "And be open, unless something sounds revolting. It doesn't hurt to try new things; if you don't like it, just stop and don't do it again."

"Finally, when you are ready for the big pop, anything that slows him down or works you up helps," Alice concluded.

I thought about what they'd said over the next few days, waiting for Wednesday anxiously. I focused on rational concerns first. I was twenty-one, well over the age of consent. I'd gone to the school clinic the other day and started birth control pills, which would take a few weeks to be effective, but other contraceptive methods were available until then. And with us both being virgins, STDs weren't a concern. But important as these aspects were, my decision wouldn't be based on logic but on our feelings. I already knew I loved Edward, and I was almost sure he loved me in return. So the only questions were: Was I ready? Was Edward ready? I knew I was ready to try more than a kiss, at least.

We'd agreed that I would cook and he'd bring some movies to my apartment. I had lasagna, salad, and garlic bread ready when he arrived with some DVDs and red wine. I served the food and we began to eat. He was surprised that I'd made the lasagna from scratch instead of using frozen. Conversation was easy as we finished dinner, then we moved to the couch and Edward put on a movie. He put his arm around me as we snuggled together. Neither of us was really interested in the show, and before long, we were ignoring it in favor of each other.

Teasing brushes of our lips became more urgent as our kisses deepened, tongues tangling playfully. Edward tugged gently on my hair, tipping my head back to give him easy access to my throat. He trailed kisses from my jaw down to the hollow at the base of my throat, then back up to my ear. I gasped and shivered as his tongue filled my ear; I would never have imagined the amazing tingles it sent throughout my body. His mouth returned to mine, and I felt his fingers leave my hair to play with the buttons on my shirt. He lifted his head briefly and looked at me, giving me a chance to object. I half-smiled and brought my hands down from his hair to the hem of his polo. I quickly pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor, then placed my hands on his chest, kneading the muscles lightly and sifting through the sprinkling of hair. My breathing quickened and I leaned forward to place moist kisses along his collarbone.

His hands cupped my face and he kissed me briefly before unbuttoning and removing my shirt, leaving me in my blue lace bra. The sight drew a hum of approval from him as he slid his hands over the fabric, pushing my breasts up slightly. I placed my hands around his neck and then to the back of his head, drawing him down to me, and he ran his lips along the bra's edge before reaching behind me to unhook it. I blushed as it fell away but fell back on the couch, holding him to me.

_Edward _

_Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful_. I half-smiled as I realized that Bella's blushes didn't stop at her face. Her whole torso became an arousing pink, especially the soft mounds that had just been revealed to me for the first time. As I stared, her nipples pebbled into buds that begged for my touch. I lightly brushed my fingertips over them, and they hardened even more. Allowing myself a firmer touch, I massaged her breast with my hand, centering the nipple in my palm. I tore my gaze from the sight to look at Bella's face. Her eyes were warm and loving, and she reached up a hand to caress my cheek lightly before slipping it behind my head and pulling me down to her kiss.

I was beyond being satisfied with the teasing kisses we had started with. My tongue immediately invaded her mouth, demanding a response that she eagerly gave. I trailed hot kisses down her neck and let my teeth graze along her collarbone before moving to her breasts. I placed moist kisses all over, saving the nipple for last. She gasped as I pulled it into my mouth, laving it with my tongue. Her hips moved against mine, her legs parting so that I rested between them. I groaned as I felt her heat even through our clothes and arched into her. I heard her breathing quicken as I switched to her other breast, giving it the same attention as the first. Her fingers were buried in my hair, holding me fiercely to her. Our hips moved against each other, seeking the friction.

I moved my hips back to give my hand room to move between us, letting my palm rest at the apex of her legs, over her jeans. The heel of my palm pressed against her, where I hoped would give the most pleasure. From her reaction, I seemed to be on the right track: she pushed into my hand and a sexy sound passed her lips, driving my arousal higher.

I brought my mouth back to hers for a deep kiss, knowing that we were swiftly reaching the point of no return. So far we had done nothing that I hadn't done before, but my reaction was light years more intense, physically and emotionally. Should we do this now? Unsurprisingly, my body was certain, but I was shocked to realize that, for the first time ever, I had no emotional ambivalence. In a matter of weeks, she had entwined herself so deeply in my heart that she was a part of me.

I raised my head to gauge her reactions, flexing my hand once again. Her eyes rolled back at the sensation, then drifted back to meet mine as I eased the pressure. As she returned my gaze, I felt her hand brush against the front of my jeans before tentatively settling over my erection, measuring my length through the fabric. I groaned and her touch grew stronger at my encouragement, the pleasure so intense I half-expected to come right then.

"How—" I had to stop and catch my breath. "How far do you want to take this?" I asked. It must be her choice. She met my eyes and then laughed a little shakily.

"What part of me are you asking? My body is on fire, my heart is already yours, and my mind is so scrambled I don't have a thought in it." She blushed as she spoke, but, as always, her eyes were steady on mine.

My heart leaped at her admission that she felt as deeply as I did, but she hadn't really answered my question. I refused to do something she'd later regret. "I want you," I told her, my voice husky. "I think you know that being with you is not something I would do lightly. I need to know it's what you want, too."

Her eyes fell, and I rushed to add, "It's okay if you're not ready, I just...think we need to take it down a notch if that's the case." I tried to force a smile, but I wasn't sure that I was successful—my need was bordering on pain.

She raised her eyes to mine again, trust shining in them. "I don't think I'm ready to have sex with you, Edward. I mean, it's only the first time we've done more than kiss, and I just can't—but do we have to stop? I wouldn't mind, you know, uh, exploring more."

_Exploring? _"Huh?"

"Well, learning about each other, what feels good to each of us. Couldn't we keep touching each other?" Her blush was so fierce I wondered if it hurt, but her desire was clear.

This time my smile wasn't forced. "Sure, Bella. Let's explore." And I kissed her, slowly and deeply.

**Pain**

_Bella_

Even weeks later, remembering that night made me shiver. Edward stayed the night, and we spent hours trying different touches, different kisses. I had my first non-self-induced climax and learned how to bring him the same pleasure. Other nights followed, whenever our schedules and those of our roommates allowed. The roommate part was more awkward than I would have imagined; I found I was too shy to let myself go unless we were alone. While Edward wasn't as bothered as I was, he wasn't exactly thrilled about Emmett overhearing our activities and then teasing him later.

We talked a lot those nights, too, more intimately than we had as friends: how it felt to be virgins as college seniors when we knew people who had more experience as high school seniors, and why we each had waited. My reason was very simple—I hadn't met anyone I really wanted and I wasn't going to sleep with someone just to satisfy my curiosity. Maybe all the classic romances I'd read had influenced me, but I didn't want to share myself unless I was in love. Edward told me about his awkward high school days; small for his age with bright red hair and freckles, he learned to view himself as physically unattractive. He finally had a growth spurt his freshman year of college; his freckles faded, and his hair darkened to its current bronze. His changed appearance naturally drew attention, but he was uncomfortable with it at first. Then, when he tried going out with some of the girls that now flocked around him, he found they expected him to have experience he lacked, and one even laughed at him when he confessed the truth. Others seemed to be uninterested in anything more than his looks, which turned him off. He found an unlikely source of sympathy in Rosalie, who'd experienced the same thing her whole life. In her characteristically blunt fashion, she'd outlined two choices for him: focus on the physical, like his new fans, and take on a fuck-buddy or ten, or wait until he found someone he was willing to spend non-fucking time with. He'd decided on the latter.

However, those nights of exploration became fewer as the weeks leading up to finals turned brutal. Something always seemed to be off: a paper was due, roommates were home, exams crept ever closer...It was frustrating. We both wanted our first time to be right, with plenty of time and privacy, and circumstances were not cooperating. I hadn't really thought about _planning_ our first time, but it was starting to look like that might be the only way it would happen.

I held onto the thought that after finals, we could relax and be together. I sketched out tentative plans where we could spend part of the break in Chicago with his family and part of it in Forks with my father, since I'd spent Thanksgiving with my mother in Florida. I could be flexible, but I was determined to spend the break, or at least a good part of it, with Edward.

The week before exams started, he was over at my apartment while we studied, about the only way we could spend time together. He barely spoke as he studied for a biology final; he needed top grades if he decided to follow his uncle into medicine. After a couple of hours, I prepared something to eat so we could take a study break. As I brought the snacks over, I thought it would be a good time to bring up vacation plans.

"So, I was thinking, how do you want to split winter break between Chicago and Forks?"

He looked at me blankly. "What? Who said anything about Forks?"

I was taken aback. _He didn't want to come? _"Oh, did you want me to go by myself to Forks and then meet you in Chicago after Christmas?"

He shook his head and turned his attention back to his notes. "I didn't know you were coming to Chicago at all."

_Didn't he want me in Chicago, either?_ "You don't want to see each other during the break?"

He shrugged, focusing on his textbook. "I hadn't really thought about it. I guess I just assumed you'd do whatever you usually do and I'd see you when we get back."

_Okay, he hadn't thought about it. He was wrapped up in finals and just hadn't thought that far ahead. No reason to panic._

"Well, could you think about it now? Fares are only going to get higher, so we should decide what we're doing soon."

Still not looking up, he asked, "Bella, why would you want to come to Chicago in December? It's cold and miserable."

_He was talking about the weather?_ "Edward, I thought we could spend at least part of the break together. Don't you want to?"

For the first time in this conversation, he looked me squarely in the eye, and I was shocked by the frost overlaying the green. "We've been going out less than two months, Bella; you think we have to spend the entire break together?"

A shaft of pain cut through me, not so much from his words, although they were harsh, but at his icy gaze and matching tone of voice. I caught my breath and managed, "Well, if we wanted to spend time together, I don't see what the length of time has to do with it." _Please, let this not be that he doesn't want to spend time with me..._

"I've got plans for break. I hadn't thought about you being there, and I definitely don't have time for a trip to Forks." I could detect no emotion, none, in his voice.

As hot as my face got when I blushed, it went cold now and I knew that I was turning pale. I couldn't interpret his statement as anything but 'I definitely don't have time for _you_.' "Plans," was all I could say.

He sighed. "I just don't see the big deal in taking a couple of weeks away from each other. We'll be back in less than a month when the next semester starts and we'll see each other then."

I held tears back with an effort. "This is crazy, Edward. I mean, of course, we don't have to live in each other's pockets, but I thought we were in love—people in love want to spend time together. These 'plans' of yours have no room for someone you've said is special to you?"

He stood, piled his books into his backpack, and said, "I'll just go study at my place. I don't have time for this."

He left without another word. I stared at the door that he'd quietly shut behind him and felt the tears break free.

_Edward _

I drove home on auto-pilot, seeking its refuge the way a threatened animal seeks its den.

As I'd been supposedly studying, I hadn't been focusing on biology nearly as much as Bella. I had looked across at her, absently admiring the way the light caught auburn highlights in her hair, and when she bit her lower lip as she concentrated, I'd wanted to drop the books and nibble on it myself. Then, like lightning, I'd been struck by the feeling I'd had the first night we'd spent together—she was so deep in my heart now. But while I had welcomed my feelings that night, joyful that I finally felt something so strong for a woman, this afternoon I had been terrified. I would be torn apart if she left. I couldn't make sense of the fear; I'd just known that I had to regain control. Instinctively, I had shut down my emotions, especially my feelings for Bella, and escaped as quickly as possible.

After parking the car, I went straight to my room and shut the door. I laid my books on my desk but then ignored them in favor of dropping to my bed and covering my eyes with my arm. I realized I was breathing heavily and tried to calm myself.

I didn't know how long I lay there trembling, gripped by an unidentified fear. My mind raced, trying to pinpoint the source of my panic. What felt like eons later, the conversation Alice and I had had the first night I met Bella floated to the surface of my brain. _Edward, you're isolating yourself, do you even realize that? Do you really want to stay alone?_

Was I? Did I?

**Comfort **

_Bella_

I couldn't remember ever crying this much. Not when I left Forks, not when I left Mom to return there, not when I had to tell Jake it would never work. I had no benchmark to measure this pain against; I just knew it was the worst I'd ever felt.

Maybe if I could figure out what happened, I could fix it. But what was so wrong about wanting to spend at least part of Christmas break with the man I loved? _What had happened?_

It couldn't be about vacation plans, I concluded. Something else was going on, but what? Had he realized he didn't want to be with me after all? Was he trying to soften it by talking about Christmas plans instead of just telling me he didn't want me anymore?

Steeped in misery, I dimly heard the doorbell ring. I continued to sit in my chair, staring out the window.

"Can you get that?" Angela called. "It'll be Ben. I just need another minute." Angela had spent much of the afternoon comforting me, but she and Ben had plans for a quick late-night study break. I had insisted that I'd be fine by myself.

I dragged myself to the door and opened it. It wasn't Ben. Instead, I saw a drawn but still beautiful face with weary green eyes, looking as sad as I felt. Stunned, I could only stare at him. After a moment, he broke the silence.

"I'm sorry. Please, can we talk?"

Against my head's better judgment but with my heart's full agreement, I let him in.

Angela emerged from her room and stopped at the sight of Edward. She ignored him, other than a glare, and asked me, "Do you want me to stay? Ben and I can stay if you need help."

The doorbell interrupted my answer, and I opened the door again, this time to Ben. "I'm fine, Ang, go ahead." She was reluctant at first, but soon allowed Ben to pull her out the door after one last death-glare at Edward.

I closed the door behind them and gestured to the living area. We sat. "I told you my parents died when I was seven," he began, and I was puzzled—what did his parents' death have to do with earlier? My confusion must have shown, because he then said, "I know it seems strange to bring that up now, but it's relevant, I promise." I nodded encouragingly. "They were lawyers who volunteered to go to former Soviet countries after the curtain fell. The ABA—American Bar Association—has this program, where they educate people, help them establish functioning democracies. My folks believed they could help, and they were sent to Kosovo. There was a lot of violence there in the 90's, and they were killed by a bomb." I was surprised. I knew they had been lawyers, but this was the first I'd heard about the rest. His voice cracked briefly as he mentioned the bomb, and my heart swelled with sympathy. Unable to stop myself, I extended my hand, and he grasped it tightly, looking at me gratefully.

"They had left me with Esme and Carlisle while they were gone, saying they'd be back in a few weeks. I kept waiting for them to come back," he whispered, and I felt a tear slide down my cheek at the thought of that little boy. He swallowed before continuing. "Carlisle arranged for a child therapist for a while, and I adjusted. By the time I was a teenager, I thought I was fine. I wasn't miserable, I loved my family, I had friends, and I had activities I enjoyed. I didn't date, but I was small for my age and a little shy, so I just thought that was normal." He paused for a deep breath. "But I've realized recently that their deaths left a mark on me, made me avoid situations where I might feel the same kind of pain and loss. It's a classic response, but I didn't realize that I could be so completely unaware of when it happens. I created a wall around myself, sure it was to keep out people who weren't worth my time, but what it really did was keep everyone out, even if they were wonderful. Like you."

Something clicked. "Is that why you were so hostile that first day?" I asked.

He paused and looked thoughtful for a moment before answering, "I don't know, maybe some of it was, because I had an instinctive reaction to you, like I knew you were important to me, and that was threatening on some level." He then ruefully continued, "But it was mostly because I was so jealous when Jake kissed you." He chuckled, nervously it seemed, and I smiled a little, waiting for him to continue.

_Edward _

I couldn't remember being more edgy in my life. I _never_ talked about this. My family knew it all, and I had simply not told anyone else any more than the bare facts: my parents died when I was seven, and I was raised by my aunt and uncle. If someone expressed sympathy, I just said it was long ago and I was very lucky to have my extended family.

That was all true. Most of the time, this limited disclosure didn't even feel misleading: I _did_ feel lucky to have my family, it _was_ a long time ago, and for the most part I had adjusted to the loss.

But Alice's words that night at the barbecue made me realize that the seven-year-old's pain and fear could return in sneaky ways, leading me to react without thinking in an instinctive attempt at self-protection, even when doing so actually caused greater damage. Even that self-knowledge, though, hadn't been enough to prevent it from happening again. I had hurt Bella, and I belatedly realized that this could reoccur anytime I felt stressed or scared. The only way to stop it from tearing us apart was to be open with Bella and deal with it head on. Bare facts weren't enough of the story if I wanted to try to repair, or even strengthen, what Bella and I had.

I sighed, impatient with myself because this wasn't coming out right. "What I'm trying to say is, I was reacting mindlessly this afternoon. I'm still not sure why, but I was suddenly terrified of how much I love you, the power over me that gave you, what it would do to me if you left or anything happened to you. I left here in a panic. By the time I got home, I was shaking and hyperventilating. When I said those things and left, I wasn't intending to hurt you or shut you out. I'm so, so sorry that I did those things anyway."

I paused to gauge her reaction. She seemed to be digesting what I had said, but I had no clue what she was thinking. She wasn't kicking me out yet, so that was a good sign. Of course, the hardest part was next. I was half-ashamed that she had told me the depths of her feelings weeks ago, while I had yet to do so, and I admired her bravery now, when I was so nervous I was almost shaking. "I love you, Bella, and I don't want to lose you. You are my life now. Can you forgive me?"

I hesitantly looked into her eyes. They were warm and wet with tears as she opened her arms and answered, "Yes, of course. I love you, Edward." Pulling her to me as tightly as I could, I buried my own wet eyes in her hair and brokenly whispered my thanks.

**Dance**

_Bella_

We held each other through that night, exchanging gentle kisses before falling asleep, exhausted. In the few days before exams started, we found time to talk about how to handle it if Edward had another "episode," now that we knew it would probably happen again when he was stressed. I was just relieved to know the real problem, and he was grateful I wasn't scared off by it. We also made plans for the break that included some time together.

Best of all, we decided to plan a special evening by ourselves: We would stay in town after exams were over and enjoy Williamsburg's lavish holiday decorations. The evening was to include a quiet dinner before taking advantage of our roommate-free residences. The last rational concern was addressed when I counted weeks and confirmed that my contraception would have taken effect by then.

That night, though, as I got ready, the part of the evening we had planned between dinner and home was causing a panic. _Why_ had I asked him to take me dancing? Me and dancing? Not a good mix. I was so nervous I wasn't even sure I could walk, let alone dance. But the thought of swaying to music, held against Edward...definitely worth the risk. Edward noticed my nerves when he picked me up, and he promised he'd keep me safe. We had a wonderful dinner at one of Williamsburg's nicer restaurants before heading to the club Edward had selected.

I expected one of the usual student hangouts featuring loud rock, but he had rejected those options in favor of something quiet and intimate. The dimly lit jazz club featured mellow, sensual music that evening. As we took our seats and ordered drinks, the guitar and drums that had been playing as we arrived were joined by the low, sexy sound of a saxophone, expertly played. I could feel the notes' pull deep in my body and found myself swaying gently.

Edward noticed my movements and got to his feet. Taking my hand, he pulled me up and led me to the dance floor. One hand rested in his while my other drifted up to the back of his neck; his other hand slipped around my waist. We moved together, letting the music fill our senses. I was lost in the feel of him against me, his scent swirling in my head. I dimly heard the music flow from one song to the next, but I focused more on the sound of his heartbeat beneath my cheek as I rested my head on his chest.

_Edward _

Bella felt incredible as our bodies moved in time with the music. Jazz wasn't a type of music that I chose often, but when Bella asked to go dancing and I saw the playlist for tonight, this club seemed perfect. Slow music that would be easy for her to follow. A small, intimate atmosphere. Not a student hangout, so we could focus on each other. Perfect.

I had forgotten how sexy jazz could be. The music went straight to my groin, enhancing the feel of Bella's body against mine. The hand I was holding slipped free and spread across my chest, kneading gently. Her hips brushed against mine, causing a predictable redirection of bloodflow. Her head tilted back as she looked at me, so that her hair tickled my hand at her waist. Her hand on my chest slid up to join its mate, playing with my hair. This brought her torso fully against me as my hand caressed her back.

"Kiss me," she whispered, and I was only too happy to comply. Our lips touched, withdrew, touched, then withdrew. The third time, the tip of her tongue skimmed my lower lip, and I felt desire rush through my body.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked. She nodded.

**One**

_Bella_

As I had after our first date, I rested my hand on his as he shifted gears on the way to his house. When we pulled into his driveway, he lifted my hand and caressed my knuckles with his lips. He released my hand and circled the car to open my door for me. He reclaimed my hand and led me into the living room. Jazz, similar to what we'd heard in the club, played after he aimed a remote at the stereo system. He lightly kissed me before drawing me into his arms. We swayed to the music, and after a few minutes, I tilted my head back and asked him to kiss me, as I had before. This time, the kisses were not soft brushes. His lips met mine hungrily, his tongue seducing mine into a playful duel. My hands gripped his hair and held him to me as I pressed my body against his, thrilled at his response.

His mouth left mine to trail down my neck, his tongue tracing the line of my throat and touching the dip at its base. His kisses drifted lower, along the low v-neck of my dress. My breath quickened, and he brushed aside the fabric enough to reveal my pink bra. He murmured in approval as he skimmed his nose along the tops of my breasts. I swayed, letting my head come to rest in the space where his neck and shoulder joined. I pulled my hands from his hair and started on his buttons. As warm skin was revealed, I turned my lips into his neck and bestowed a moist kiss there. When he tipped his head to the side, granting me access, I continued my kisses along the base of his throat. Once the buttons were undone, my arms twined around his waist, holding us together, and I let my lips roam his chest. His hands ran over my back before resting on my hips and holding them to his.

"Shall we go upstairs?" he whispered. Our eyes met, and I smiled and nodded.

Hand in hand, we ascended the stairs and entered his bedroom. He stood behind me and I felt my zipper lower. He followed its descent with his lips, placing warm kisses along my spine. I felt tingles spread throughout my body from each spot he touched. The dress caught briefly on my hips before he brushed it aside and it fell to the floor. I was suddenly grateful for Alice's fashion advice; I had never worn a garter belt before but I was glad not to be wearing pantyhose at this moment. He toyed with the strap before turning me to face him. I glanced up, shyly, to see his appreciative grin.

"Very nice," he said. Then suddenly, he lifted me and tossed me onto the bed. I yelped, surprised, then laughed at him.

"Think we've waited long enough, do you?" I taunted.

"Definitely," he replied in a deep, husky voice, following me down onto the bed as he stripped off his shirt and dropped it to the floor. The rest of our clothes swiftly followed. He pulled me tightly to him and kissed me deeply. I moaned and pulled him even tighter, wrapping one leg around his in an attempt to get as close as I could. Sparks seemed to ignite where our bare torsos touched, and I rubbed my breasts against his chest, enjoying the friction of his hair against my nipples. His moan echoed my own as he reached down and touched me where I was most sensitive. He rubbed lightly, sending pleasure streaking along my nerves.

His lips deserted mine and traveled to my breasts to capture my nipples, each in turn. Fire seemed to directly link the places his mouth and hands touched. His kisses continued down my body, pausing here and there to permit his tongue to explore before continuing the journey. Moments later, I arched my back and gasped at the feel of his lips and tongue and hands on my most sensitive places. He devoted himself to pleasuring me, until I felt the tension gather almost unbearably before it suddenly released, leaving me awash in ecstasy.

_Edward _

I tried to calm myself with deep breaths as I watched Bella climax. Her translucent skin was flushed, and her breasts rose and fell quickly with her accelerated breathing. Her eyes had closed, but I recalled the dazed look in them as she crested. I knew I couldn't expect to last long once I was inside her, and I desperately wanted her to experience pleasure tonight. Bringing her to orgasm first seemed the best way to accomplish that, but I hadn't expected how much her arousal would in turn arouse me. I took advantage of the time it took her to recover to pull myself back.

After a few minutes, her beautiful eyes opened and held mine. She placed her hands on either side of my face and pulled me to her for a deep, gentle kiss. Her tongue lightly caressed me before she broke the kiss and sighed contentedly. Her hands left my face, one stroking through my hair and the other moving down to caress my length. A sound that was almost a growl escaped me, it felt so wonderful. After a few strokes, her touch became firmer; our exploring had taught her what I liked. I soon stopped her caresses, though. I needed to be inside her _now_. She lay back, parting her legs so I could nestle between them. For a moment, I just enjoyed the hot, slick feeling of her, stroking gently back and forth without entering her. The feel of her drove almost every thought from my head, except the need not to hurt her. I took a few more deep breaths and, drawing on all the control I had, began to penetrate. I soon felt her tense and, to ease her, I inserted a hand between us and rubbed her above where we were joined. It seemed to help, and she relaxed. I pushed in a little further and could feel sweat dampen my back from the effort my restraint took. She stiffened slightly, but when I continued to caress her, she relaxed again and pulled me tightly to her, her arms and legs encircling me. My control lost, I thrust into her fully and we became one. She felt hot and tight around me; I wanted nothing more than to stay within her forever. I opened my eyes and searched her face but saw no signs of pain, and I let myself go. I pulled out and thrust into her again, groaning at the intense feeling that enveloped me. I repeated the movement, amazed at how each stroke drove me higher. A few minutes later, I exploded. I cried out at the unbelievable pleasure and collapsed against her. Her legs fell back to the bed, but her arms remained around me, more loosely now as she stroked my hair, my head resting on her breasts.

We lay there, dazed, savoring the afterglow. Eventually, I raised my head and saw her soft smile. I smiled back but had to ask, "Was it—did it hurt too much?" She shook her head.

"Not really. It hurt at first, and then it was more like uncomfortably tight. But after a minute, wow!" I had to laugh. "I mean, I knew I wouldn't come that way this time, but the feel of you inside me was incredible." And there was the blush. I rubbed my cheek against hers, chuckling. After a minute, she asked with a sly smile, fluttering her eyelashes, "Was it good for you, too?"

I laughed louder. "Not even close. To quote you: blissful, enchanting, dazzling."

She smiled. "Dazzling?"

"Mmm."

She caressed my face and the love in her eyes was thrilling. "I know the feeling." We gazed at each other for a long moment.

Then she smacked a kiss on my lips. "And that was just our first time. Think of what we can do with practice!"

I returned the kiss. "I can't wait."

**All characters and a few lines belong to Stephenie Meyer; no infringement is intended. The Loch Ness Monster roller coaster belongs to Busch Gardens. The ABA's Central and Eastern European Law Initiative is now called The Rule of Law Initiative, after expanding beyond the former Soviet bloc. (I'm not aware of any lawyers actually being killed while volunteering but the locations are often unstable.) The rest of the story is mine.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I Never: Original One-shot**

**Chapter 2 for the O/S – Author's Note:**

**Hi! **

**Some folks put this one-shot on story alert but didn't have me on author alert, so I'm posting this quick note to let anyone who's interested know that I've started the expansion of I Never. (Finally, lol!) **

**Since it starts a few years before this one-shot, I decided to post it separately and let the one-shot stay up on its own. Go to my profile and click on I Never: Edward and Bella for Chapter 1 of the full-length story. More info in the author's note on that chapter and on my profile.**

**Thank you so much!**

**SqueakyZorro**


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